.::enough is enough::.
It's nearly midterm week and I'm so sick of school I could scream. My poetry and coffee loving friend, Melissa, and I left Women's Studies class on Friday and drove to Louisville to have some fun. I needed to get out of Lexington. Sometimes this city makes me feel really smothered. There's a huge lack of cultural diversity...Louisville always makes me feel better. Mel and I both felt some creative inspiration on the way to Louisville, so we pulled out one of my notebooks and wrote some poetry. I had a really interesting idea for a poem about my time in England, so I dictated and Mel wrote it down for me.
It's Sunday afternoon and I'm the only one home. It feels nice to have the house to myself to watch movies and get some work done. I'm going to Common Grounds tonight at 8 for a surprise party for my African friend, Zim. His intelligence blows my mind...I think he even lived at a monastary with monks once just to learn from them. He's incredibly well read and full of brilliant insights into any situation. His birthday is tomorrow, so we're taking him out for coffee. I can't wait to see my international friends again...they're a breath of fresh air to me.
May I be honest for a second? Honesty is so important...
I'm very confused about one of the relationships in my life right now. There's a guy I hang out with all the time...have seen nearly every day or so since we moved into the neighborhood in mid-July. He and I are like night and day...it's strange that he and I are attracted to each other. The things I find attractive in him are things that I am not usually even interested in until much later in a relationship. I enjoy his sincerity; he's very down to earth and grounded. He's a pretty simple guy...in a good way. Melissa was trying to help me sort things out...it was her poetic conclusion that my x was like the sky...unreachable...always above me and in my sights...and just as inconstant as the air. This current relationship that has me confused is like the earth...under my feet...always there when I come back down...keeping me grounded. I think it's a brilliant comparison.
I guess I'm just confused about it all. He kissed me once a few months ago, and then we talked about it a day or two later and decided that nothing would ever work so we'd just be friends. I'm not kidding....we're about as different as two people can be. That whole "let's just be friends" thing lasted until about 2 weeks later when we kissed again. "Oh geez," was what was going through my mind. Things are always so complicated. As things stand right now, I see him every day still...usually just hanging out with his roommates (also very good friends of mine). I'm trying to get to know him a little better.
I still can't get one thing out of my mind. The night we had that talk, he said that I was definately not his dream girl..and I concurred...he's not my dream guy either. I'm torn between feeling like I'm settling for someone I don't think is right for me and telling myself to stop taking things so seriously and just enjoy the moment.
I feel scarred by my last relationship...jaded in a way. I feel much safer if I just shut myself off from people. I don't want to risk getting hurt like that again, but I can't live in a shell. Sometimes I wonder how deeply it did impact me. I still can't say that I wish it hadn't happened. I'd choose a month of heaven and the rest hell over never knowing how sweet things can be.
It's nearly midterm week and I'm so sick of school I could scream. My poetry and coffee loving friend, Melissa, and I left Women's Studies class on Friday and drove to Louisville to have some fun. I needed to get out of Lexington. Sometimes this city makes me feel really smothered. There's a huge lack of cultural diversity...Louisville always makes me feel better. Mel and I both felt some creative inspiration on the way to Louisville, so we pulled out one of my notebooks and wrote some poetry. I had a really interesting idea for a poem about my time in England, so I dictated and Mel wrote it down for me.
It's Sunday afternoon and I'm the only one home. It feels nice to have the house to myself to watch movies and get some work done. I'm going to Common Grounds tonight at 8 for a surprise party for my African friend, Zim. His intelligence blows my mind...I think he even lived at a monastary with monks once just to learn from them. He's incredibly well read and full of brilliant insights into any situation. His birthday is tomorrow, so we're taking him out for coffee. I can't wait to see my international friends again...they're a breath of fresh air to me.
May I be honest for a second? Honesty is so important...
I'm very confused about one of the relationships in my life right now. There's a guy I hang out with all the time...have seen nearly every day or so since we moved into the neighborhood in mid-July. He and I are like night and day...it's strange that he and I are attracted to each other. The things I find attractive in him are things that I am not usually even interested in until much later in a relationship. I enjoy his sincerity; he's very down to earth and grounded. He's a pretty simple guy...in a good way. Melissa was trying to help me sort things out...it was her poetic conclusion that my x was like the sky...unreachable...always above me and in my sights...and just as inconstant as the air. This current relationship that has me confused is like the earth...under my feet...always there when I come back down...keeping me grounded. I think it's a brilliant comparison.
I guess I'm just confused about it all. He kissed me once a few months ago, and then we talked about it a day or two later and decided that nothing would ever work so we'd just be friends. I'm not kidding....we're about as different as two people can be. That whole "let's just be friends" thing lasted until about 2 weeks later when we kissed again. "Oh geez," was what was going through my mind. Things are always so complicated. As things stand right now, I see him every day still...usually just hanging out with his roommates (also very good friends of mine). I'm trying to get to know him a little better.
I still can't get one thing out of my mind. The night we had that talk, he said that I was definately not his dream girl..and I concurred...he's not my dream guy either. I'm torn between feeling like I'm settling for someone I don't think is right for me and telling myself to stop taking things so seriously and just enjoy the moment.
I feel scarred by my last relationship...jaded in a way. I feel much safer if I just shut myself off from people. I don't want to risk getting hurt like that again, but I can't live in a shell. Sometimes I wonder how deeply it did impact me. I still can't say that I wish it hadn't happened. I'd choose a month of heaven and the rest hell over never knowing how sweet things can be.
posted by mandypants at 3:59 PM
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