.::i was the one worth leaving::.*
Christmas was amazing. I painted Kaitlyn't toenails and spent time telling jokes with my brother. The whole experience was wonderful. When I was in the shower on Christmas morning (I do most of my heavy thinking while I'm washing my hair) I had a realization. Here goes.
Whatever moment I happen to be in, I have a way of convincing myself that things will always be that way. We will always have Christmas at my sister's house and my mother will always be there. Kaitlyn will always be 4 and Matthew will always be in 8th grade. I will always be driving from three states away and I can always expect there to be fudge and candy when I get there. It's so stange. It's like you take a snapshot of memorable times like that and store them in your mind and people and arrangements stay the same to you forever. You can always go back and recall friends who have died and houses that you have moved from, and if your memory is vivid enough, you can make them come back. It's like they never left.
I guess for the first time this year, I really took evaluation of how much things have changed in the past few years, and how much they will keep changing for the rest of my life. There will eventually be a Christmas when Kaitlyn is coming home from college or — even scarier — when she has kids. But, some part of her will always be 4 in my mind. Just like part of her is still a baby from what I can remember.
I started thinking about life. As a unit. As a tangible thing with a beginning and an end. Did you know that the average American female lives to be 79.9 years old? That is 29,163.5 days of life. That doesn't sound like so very much time. If I am lucky, at most, I could see about 30,000 individual sunrises or sunsets...I might at most eat about 90,000 meals and say about 30,000 prayers if I pray every day.
That doesn't seem like a lot.
I was wondering if maybe God sees us in the same way that we keep memories of things that once were. Maybe He keeps us going after we are gone by remembering us how we were, and in that way we live on forever. It's sort of a romantic thought. Like that one person you have been in love with that you can't seem to shake off — even if they don't like it, they will be with you forever as a part of your memory. Your eyes still saw them. Your hand still touched them. And whatever memories your brain created from that experience stays with you regardless of what happened.
I'm thinking maybe I think too much...but just by doing that I am still thinking. It never stops.
I do know this - I was the one worth leaving.
Guys, just in case you are wondering, you live to be about 74.24 years old (that's 27,097.6 days). Make the most of each one because life moves quite fast. Gives renewed significance to "Carpe Diem," eh?
Christmas was amazing. I painted Kaitlyn't toenails and spent time telling jokes with my brother. The whole experience was wonderful. When I was in the shower on Christmas morning (I do most of my heavy thinking while I'm washing my hair) I had a realization. Here goes.
Whatever moment I happen to be in, I have a way of convincing myself that things will always be that way. We will always have Christmas at my sister's house and my mother will always be there. Kaitlyn will always be 4 and Matthew will always be in 8th grade. I will always be driving from three states away and I can always expect there to be fudge and candy when I get there. It's so stange. It's like you take a snapshot of memorable times like that and store them in your mind and people and arrangements stay the same to you forever. You can always go back and recall friends who have died and houses that you have moved from, and if your memory is vivid enough, you can make them come back. It's like they never left.
I guess for the first time this year, I really took evaluation of how much things have changed in the past few years, and how much they will keep changing for the rest of my life. There will eventually be a Christmas when Kaitlyn is coming home from college or — even scarier — when she has kids. But, some part of her will always be 4 in my mind. Just like part of her is still a baby from what I can remember.
I started thinking about life. As a unit. As a tangible thing with a beginning and an end. Did you know that the average American female lives to be 79.9 years old? That is 29,163.5 days of life. That doesn't sound like so very much time. If I am lucky, at most, I could see about 30,000 individual sunrises or sunsets...I might at most eat about 90,000 meals and say about 30,000 prayers if I pray every day.
That doesn't seem like a lot.
I was wondering if maybe God sees us in the same way that we keep memories of things that once were. Maybe He keeps us going after we are gone by remembering us how we were, and in that way we live on forever. It's sort of a romantic thought. Like that one person you have been in love with that you can't seem to shake off — even if they don't like it, they will be with you forever as a part of your memory. Your eyes still saw them. Your hand still touched them. And whatever memories your brain created from that experience stays with you regardless of what happened.
I'm thinking maybe I think too much...but just by doing that I am still thinking. It never stops.
I do know this - I was the one worth leaving.
Guys, just in case you are wondering, you live to be about 74.24 years old (that's 27,097.6 days). Make the most of each one because life moves quite fast. Gives renewed significance to "Carpe Diem," eh?
posted by mandypants at 10:19 AM
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