* MeXiCo *
My mom called me last night and sounded so excited...her sister, Esther (the one in Colordo that I went to visit on spring break) is flying in to St. Louis and they are joining some of the other women in our family for a cruise to Mexico next week. Mom sounded wonderfully happy to be going on a vacation with the girls...especially to a place that she hasn't been before. I guess this is really one of the first vacations that she has been on without my father, and she really deserves it. I remember the trips we took when I was growing up; to Florida, to California, etc. My father always found a way to ruin the trip with his bad moods or sulky attitude. I'm really happy for her that she will have a chance to just go enjoy herself without having to worry that someone will try to bring her down.
I guess more than anything, I'm worried that I'll end up with someone who does that to me...tries to keep me from enjoying anything and constantly is in a bad mood. My mother put up with that life for 38 years and I absolutely refuse to deal with that.
** i had a dream last night, and it fit me like a glove **
I had a dream last night, or actually, I suppose it was this morning. I remember waking up and looking at my alarm clock and then drifting back to sleep for about an hour. That's when the dream happened. I saw him. It was so clear that I really believed that I had seen him.
Have you ever had a dream like that?
I had so many things I wanted to say to him, but my frigging alarm went off before I could move. I just lay there so frustrated that I had finally gotten to see his face for all of a split second and then I had to wake up. I really could have looked at him for hours...just staring and trying to comphrehend it all. Why things happened the way they did. Why he pops back in and out of my life, seemingly just to see if I am still alive every few months or so. I woke up so frustrated that I couldn't go back and talk to him that I nearly cried. It's like having a door opened in front of you and behind that door is someone you love that has been separated from you by distance, time or even death. All of a sudden, someone comes along and shuts the door and not only does it lock, but the door itself vanishes into thin air.
It's mid-morning now and I honestly still feel extremely frustrated. There is nothing that I can do except watch the days and nights go by and count the days.
Still, I dream.
My mom called me last night and sounded so excited...her sister, Esther (the one in Colordo that I went to visit on spring break) is flying in to St. Louis and they are joining some of the other women in our family for a cruise to Mexico next week. Mom sounded wonderfully happy to be going on a vacation with the girls...especially to a place that she hasn't been before. I guess this is really one of the first vacations that she has been on without my father, and she really deserves it. I remember the trips we took when I was growing up; to Florida, to California, etc. My father always found a way to ruin the trip with his bad moods or sulky attitude. I'm really happy for her that she will have a chance to just go enjoy herself without having to worry that someone will try to bring her down.
I guess more than anything, I'm worried that I'll end up with someone who does that to me...tries to keep me from enjoying anything and constantly is in a bad mood. My mother put up with that life for 38 years and I absolutely refuse to deal with that.
** i had a dream last night, and it fit me like a glove **
I had a dream last night, or actually, I suppose it was this morning. I remember waking up and looking at my alarm clock and then drifting back to sleep for about an hour. That's when the dream happened. I saw him. It was so clear that I really believed that I had seen him.
Have you ever had a dream like that?
I had so many things I wanted to say to him, but my frigging alarm went off before I could move. I just lay there so frustrated that I had finally gotten to see his face for all of a split second and then I had to wake up. I really could have looked at him for hours...just staring and trying to comphrehend it all. Why things happened the way they did. Why he pops back in and out of my life, seemingly just to see if I am still alive every few months or so. I woke up so frustrated that I couldn't go back and talk to him that I nearly cried. It's like having a door opened in front of you and behind that door is someone you love that has been separated from you by distance, time or even death. All of a sudden, someone comes along and shuts the door and not only does it lock, but the door itself vanishes into thin air.
It's mid-morning now and I honestly still feel extremely frustrated. There is nothing that I can do except watch the days and nights go by and count the days.
Still, I dream.
posted by mandypants at 9:47 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home