what am i to you
I don't believe in horoscopes. Never have. I take them really lightly; I can read them and joke about what they say and walk away without feeling like the "stars have spoken" to me. People read into those stupid things whatever they want. I did clip one out from a magazine the other day and put it on my mirror because it really sums up how I've been feeling lately.
Cancer : The rotten things that people do to you, and somehow you always find it in yourself to reply with nothing more vengeful than a smile - you're a beautiful soul, no doubt about it! Like a magic machine that makes tunips into candy, you're a great thing to have around.
That first line couldn't be more true...the part about smiling through pain. I'm ready to be in America again. Chris is pulling his same bullshit lines about promising to come see me. We both know he doesn't have the guts to do it and I wish he'd stop it with the bullshit. I'm not an idiot...I'm going home in June and that will be it. He doesn't deserve to see me again. So Chris, if you're reading this, don't bother anymore. I'm through with it.
Everyone has gone home...Janine to Manchester, Ella to Broadstairs, Rachael to Barrow, and Yadira left at 8:30 this morning for Barcelona. She was so excited to be going and I really hope she has a great time. I've got the flat to myself for a few days and an endless cycle of fish feeding and plant watering. I'm just considering this my time to get some real work done. Yadira's got a paper on post WWII feminism coming up that I promised her I'd giver her an outline for. That is my department. I'm all about some Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem. Those are some ladies with some guts - real desire to go for what they want despite the resistence.
This fairy tale lecture I've taken has really made me reflect on some of my own paradigms of life. For example, the knight in shining armor. That is a crock if I've ever heard it. I think, despite the fact that modern girls can see through the lies we are fed, that we all still struggle with that image even if it's burried deep in our subconscious. It's like a promise made to us when we are little girls that we all sort of fall into counting on. No matter how bad things get, that knight could always show up and save the day. We spend the rest of our lives waking up from the dream that HE ISN'T GOING TO SHOW UP. We have to learn to smack our inner Cinderella upside the head and tell her that her prince is stuck in traffic - on another planet. We need to tell that Rapunzel in all of us that she should cut her hair off and use it to get HERSELF down out of that tower so she's not up there on her ass waiting for all eternity. Dude, I can't wait to get this final fairy tale essay underway. I've got some demons to work out. My professor gave me a near perfect score on the fairy tale I composed myself - it was about a princess who makes a long journey to be with a prince only to find out that he's a demon and she can make it on her own. Where do you suppose I got the inspiration for that one?
